Invaluable lessons I learned from my daughter
“There are good fairies with blessings and evil fairies
with curses"

Six years ago I became a mother… A proud mom of the most beautiful daughter: my lovely witty Lilly. Every now and then I have a feeling of nostalgia and a sense of “Where did my baby go?”, which is an invitation to reflect...

When I was thinking about writing this blog post, I first wanted to write about how confronting it is to recognize myself in her. Sometimes it is like looking into a mirror. Lilly has my personality: a rather shy girl who doesn’t forget anything and an unbelievable perfectionist with an extreme sense of fairness and justice. All beautiful traits, but I am also aware of how this can block you. So I want to protect her, but why should I change her? I should let her be the charming person she is…

Then I wanted to dedicate my blog post to all the messages I give her, messages I would better send to myself and follow up myself. Things like: good is good enough, it doesn’t matter what other people think, be proud of yourself, it’s OK to make mistakes,…

But all of that would be about me teaching her things, as if I possess the truth, which is far from the truth… My daughter teaches me invaluable lessons that can be applied to our lives and business. Please allow me to share the lessons Lilly learned me. They just might help you as well...

• We are wired for struggle (like Brené Brown said). Lilly has faced already more struggles than I have at the age of 40. And it has struck me every time how graciously she faces all the bumps on her road. Also, what we see as major struggles, kids don’t experience that necessarily the same way and they can let go of pain and suffering much easier. Lilly showed me there are good fairies with blessings and evil fairies with curses, but we are wired to cope with both of them. I admire her resilience and how brave she is. So if we are facing obstacles in our life or in our business, remember that we are wired for struggle. This too shall pass…
• Mitigate (unconscious) bias. All too often we make our (business) decisions based on prejudices, whilst we should get other perspectives as well in order to see what we are missing. This would lead to a more diverse and inclusive world and company culture. Lilly doesn’t have any prejudices. It doesn’t matter if you are big or small, black or white, perfect or 'imperfect',… She will play with everyone, just for who they are. Why should we care about job titles, educational or social background, egos,…? Let’s set aside all our prejudices…
• Embrace introversion. We wrongly have the impression that you should be a social butterfly to thrive in our society or to become a successful leader. Lilly doesn’t mind to play alone. She says she doesn’t have to talk if she doesn’t want to. It doesn’t block her. It only freezes her when someone points it out: “You are so shy. Did you lose your tongue?” People don’t mean it in a bad way, but I consider it as a kind of micro-aggression. Why do we all need to be extroverts?
• Adopt a growth mindset. “Proberen kan je leren” (you can learn to try). How many times did I already hear this phrase? And indeed it is better to think in possibilities than listing all the arguments why we shouldn’t do that specific project or start our own business. Lilly wants to become a police officer and photographer, “because I can be anything I want, mommy”. That belief in possibilities and miracles, we should keep that faith. Did I already mention that Lilly celebrates Sinterklaas 365 days per year?
• Empathy is the way to go. Lilly is extremely empathetic. She picks up very easily when I am sad. That can be very confronting, but it emphasizes the importance of showing interest in others. In our everyday life we are so focused on our own projects and deadlines, that we sometimes forget to tune into others and feel what it is like to be that other person. Lilly also compliments me when I look pretty in my new dress. I am very bad at receiving compliments. But she forces me to accept them and she puts a smile on my face.
• Be yourself. I know, I come back to my well-known better versus different. I am not born to be a mother. Let me explain my limiting belief. You see women who are so good at being a mother. It comes natural to them. They attract babies, they immediately know what to do,… I don’t have that. And I was always comparing myself to all those supermoms. They were ‘better’ than me, so I needed to step up my game. Lilly shows me that this isn’t needed at all. She doesn’t want any other mommy, she often says. So let us just be our unique selves and don’t compare ourselves to others who seem to be more successful.

Voilà, this has become quite a list. I wonder what I will add when she will be 12 years old. And don’t worry, it is not all milk and honey. Let me say that Lilly can also be that evil fairy with curses that makes me curse…

Go through the lessons I learned from Lilly and let me know which one you are going to apply next... Don't hesitate to send me a message at [email protected] 

Do you also want to be your empathic self with a growth mindset? Let me help you with discovering how you add distinct value, having the words to communicate your uniqueness, knowing how the world sees you, identifying situations where you excel and can play to your differences? All of this not by changing who you are, but by becoming more of who you already are!

Interested? Have a look at my unique program Your Personal Brand kickstart with Fascinate® HERE